Nitsupak

2010-09-19T22:36:00.001-04:00

Dog & Ghost Halloween Party Invite

Dog & Ghost Halloween Invitation by holidaytime
design your own invitations on zazzle.com

2010-09-19T22:33:00.001-04:00

Dracula Halloween kids t-shirt

Dracula Halloween by holidaytime
See more t-shirts made on zazzle.com

2010-09-19T22:28:00.001-04:00

Ghostly baseball batter t-shirt for Halloween

Ghostly Batter T-Shirt by holidaytime
Design custom shirts at zazzle.com

2010-09-19T22:26:00.001-04:00

Ghostly dog chasing ghost for Halloween http://ping.fm/MP17A

Very Very funny Perrier ad

2010-07-18T09:07:00.003-04:00

To all who hate school

2010-04-21T11:32:00.004-04:00

A funny funny video, I laughed and laughed. Dedicated to all who hate school!

Oh.... brand new updated website for World Cup Soccer Shirts

I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more!

2010-02-27T23:00:00.057-05:00

GRRRRRRRRRR...! I'M MAD AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO!

Your U.S.House & Senate have voted themselves $4,700

and $5,300 raises.

1. They voted to not give you a S.S. cost of living raise in 2010 and 2011.

2.Your Medicare premiums will go up $285.60 for the 2-years and you will not get the 3% COLA: $660/yr. Your total 2-yr for husband and wife loss and cost is -$1,600 or -$3,200

3.Over 2-yrs The House & Senate each get $10,000 raises

4. Do you feel SCREWED?

5. WILL your cost of drugs - doctor fees - local taxes - food, etc., increase? You better believe they will!

6. Do you really think that Nancy, Harry, Chris, Charlie, Barnie, et al, care about you?

SEND THE MESSAGE--

You're FIRED.

IN 2010 YOU WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO GET RID OF
THE SITTING CONGRESS AND Up to 1/3 OF THE
SENATE,

AND 100% OF THE HOUSE.

MAKE SURE YOU'RE STILL MAD IN NOVEMBER 2010 AND TELL THEIR REPLACEMENTS NOT TO SCREW UP.

It is ok to forward this to your sphere of influence
if you are finally tired of the abuse.
Maybe it's time for the........
Amendment 28

"Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United
States that does not apply equally to the Senators or Representatives,
and Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators or
Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the
United States ."

Let's get this passed around, folks - these people in Washington have brought this upon themselves!!! It's time for retribution. Let's take back America .

If you don't forward this to all your

friends you're just part of the

problem of national apathy.

IT'S TIME!!!!!!!
JUST DO IT!

Wear one of these pins to speak your mind!

NO! Obama Care by choice2008
Browse Obama Buttons

A Dirty Joke

2010-02-15T16:08:00.003-05:00

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued.

"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework.
And three, one day you are going to be very,very disappointed

St Paddy's Day T-shirts & gifts

Fantastic Living in 2010

2010-02-09T20:52:00.002-05:00

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when
...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!

Confucious Sez

2010-01-20T23:45:00.002-05:00

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in

Front of car get tired.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind

Car get exhausted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one

Chopstick go hungry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who scratch butt

Should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many

Prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not

Determine who is right, war determine who is

Left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put

Husband in doghouse soon find him in

Cathouse.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like

Hell, bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in

Glass house should change clothes in

Basement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in

Other man's well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator

Smell different to midget.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Person who deletes this has no humor!!!

State of the Economy

2010-01-20T23:36:00.002-05:00

The economy is so bad.....
________________________________________
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM..

McDonald's is selling the 1/4-ouncer.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh great!! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

GREAT NEWS! Cafepress reinstated my images!

2009-12-14T14:34:00.003-05:00

If you look at my previous post, I wrote about one of my designs "Instant Swim Chick, just add water" was being sold on both Cafepress and Zazzle. I was very surprised to receive a notice of violation letter first from Zazzle, and then from Cafepress. I discussed my issues with Zazzle in the previous post. Cafepress had yet to send me any violation notice.

I got good news today from Cafepress. The have reinstated my images! I cannot tell you how pleased I am! In short Cafepress says

After further review of your content and the complaint we have decided to reinstate your content at this time.

In other words, Cafepress had some *real* lawyers looking at things and figured out that this isn't a violation at all. Just imagine how many "Eat Sleep Swim", "Merry Christmoose" designs they would have had to take down if they thought having similar design themes makes a copyright violation. Just as "Eat Sleep swim" is not trademarked either is "Instant Swim chick, just add water".

With all the changes Cafepress made that are not favorable to shopkeepers this year, I'm glad to see this decision. Hopefully, Zazzle can step up to the plate and be a class act and reinstate my images at Zazzle.

Artist intimidation by intellectual property

2009-12-08T15:46:00.006-05:00

Good grief! I have several online stores selling my own designs on t-shirts and gifts on various themes, especially about swimming. One of my designs is "instant swim chick, just add water".

I sell on Cafepress, Zazzle and Printfection. Imagine my surprise when I get a copyright infringement notice from both Cafepress and Zazzle on my designs

Here are my designs.

The complaining artist is Hugh Bayer of epmgames and here is his "design".

Now Mr Bayer, before you go screaming and hollering that I'm robbing you by publishing this image to the left, don't bother. In this blog I'm writing ABOUT your image and a controversy surrounding it which is covered both by fair use and free speech.

I wondered what the heck was a copyright violation and I can't get a straight answer from anybody.

At Zazzle, I spoke with a "Tony" in content management who said the violation was that I have the same phrase. Ok.... "Instant Swim Chick, just add water" is NOT a registered trademark. Its a common swim joke and has been around for years and is therefore not a covered unregistered trademark. And notice that my design on the right doesn't even contain the word "chick".

I would understand Mr Hugh's argument if the chicks looked the same, if the lettering were the same, if the lettering had the same placement. But that isn't it.

This looks like a case of artist intimidation, where all Mr Hughs has to do is write a threatening letter on company letter head which includes the word "Entertainment" and Cafepress and Zazzle cower.

This isn't good. It makes artists lose confidence in Cafepress & Zazzle if they allow just anybody to claim copyright infringement on an idea, especially if the images are different and the phrase isn't trademarked.

Live Long & Prosper

2009-11-25T21:52:00.004-05:00

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, & wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter”?
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

I couldn't resist a t-shirt for the chocolate one

Chocolate Lovers by girlgifts
Browse more Chocolate T-Shirts

And a coffee mug

Chocolate Lovers by girlgifts
Create a customizable stein at zazzle

Don't Mess With Me!

2009-10-14T09:13:00.002-04:00

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that
'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us onto the ground.'

She calmly turned her head and said,
'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat,

'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.

Tray-up, B*tch'

Proof Reading is a dying art

2009-10-14T08:52:00.003-04:00

(Proofreading is a dying art, would you say?)

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial
Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor
realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction
the next day.

________________________________

I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No, really? Ya think?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Panda Mating Fails;Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

----------------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

----------------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide!

They may be on to something!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction
program!

----------------------------------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

-------------------------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

*******************************************

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

Apologies from paris

2009-04-06T15:21:00.008-04:00

Over the past few months I have forwarded some inappropriate pictures and jokes to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humor.

Unfortunately this wasn't the case and I seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow.

If you were one of these people, please accept my sincerest apologies.

From now on I will only post or send e-mail with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting topics.

Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris . It is the oldest bridge

In Paris and took 26 years to build It was completed in 1604.

Paris pour toujours on
t-shirts & gifts

Paris black t-shirt

Chinese Sick Leave

2009-04-06T15:06:00.004-04:00

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.. 'I do what You say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house'

1 to 10 in chinese

Irish Bank Robbery

2009-03-08T17:48:00.002-04:00

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber
walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent,
looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:

'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ....'

KRW 10 Percent OFF Shamrocks by KRWDesigns
Create custom coffee travel mugs online with Zazzle.com
More Civilizations Cultures Mugs

Kiss My Ass It's Irish by wickedpissatees
Design a custom stein At www.Zazzle.com
See more Europe Mugs

The Irish Husband

2009-03-07T09:04:00.007-05:00

In the best husband contest, the first runner up is Serbia

The second runner up is Greece

The hands down winner is..... the IRISH hubby! Drink up bitches!

Irish Drinking Team t-shirt by holiday_tshirts
Design Customized Tshirts At zazzle.com
Browse Alcoholic Drinks T-Shirts

Irish Drinking Team by designsbyshawn
Tees made by zazzle
See more Events Holidays Greetings T-Shirts

Jews do it with Chutzpah

2009-03-06T13:53:00.012-05:00

CHUTZPAH:

... according to the Funk & Wagnall's Standard Desk Dictionary - US slang meaning: brazen effrontery, nerve, impudence, gall, cheekiness.
The word is Hebrew in origin.

Bill Gates decides to organize an enormous session of recruitment for a chairman for Microsoft Europe. The 5000 candidates are all assembled
in a large room. One of the candidates is Maurice Cohen, a little Parisian Jewish Tunisian.

Bill Gates thanks all the candidates for coming and asks that all those who do not know JAVA program language rise and leave. 2000
people rise and leave the room. Maurice Cohen says to himself, "I do not know this language but what have I got to lose if I stay? I'll
give it a try".

Bill Gates asks all the candidates that those who have never had experience of team management of more than 100 people rise and leave.
2000 people rise and leave the room. Maurice Cohen says to himself, "I have never managed anybody but myself but what have I got to lose if I
stay? What can happen to me?" So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asks all the candidates who do not have excellent college diplomas to rise and leave. 500 people rise and leave the
room. Maurice Cohen says to himself, "I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose if I stay? So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asks all of the candidates who do not speak the Serbo-Croat language to rise and leave. 498 people rise and leave the
room. Maurice Cohen says himself, "I do not speak Serbo-Croat but what the hell! - Have I got anything to lose?" So he stays in the room.

He finds himself alone with one other candidate - everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joins them and says: "Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo-Croatian, so I'd now like to hear you both have a little conversation in that language!

Calmly Maurice turns to the other candidate and says to him: "Baroukh ata
Adonaï." The other candidate answers: "Elohénou melekh ha'olam."

For those folks from Philly!

2009-01-19T08:40:00.010-05:00

And we will never change either.. might hide it for awhile.. but will always slip... as in Windah..

TALKING PENNSYLVANIAN

For those who think we 'talk funny' or use 'big words', here's why ..

Once a Pennsylvanian, ALWAYS a Pennsylvanian!

About Pennsylvanians: You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but 'Philly' and New Jersey has always been ' Jersey '

We don't go to the beach, we go 'down the shore.

You refer to Pennsylvania as 'PA' (pronounced Pee-Ay).How many other states do that??

'You guy s' (or even 'youze guys', in some places) is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men and women.

You know how to respond to the question 'Djeetyet?' ( Did you eat yet ?)

You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, the Poconos, Tamaqua, Kutztown,Tunkahannock, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne and Monongahela. also Conshohocken.

And we know Lancaster is pronounced Lank-ister, not Lan-kaster.

You know what a 'Mummer' is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.

At least five people on your block have electric 'candles' in all or most of their windows all year long.

You know what a 'State Store' is, and your out-of-state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.

Words like 'hoagie,' 'crick,' 'chipped ham,' 'dippy eggs', 'sticky buns,' 'shoo-fly pie,' 'l emon sponge pie', 'pierogies' and 'pocketbook' actually mean something to you. ( By the way, that last one's PA slang for a purse!)

You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know it comes in several colors.

You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and you know that you also can't get a really good one anywhere outside of the Philly area. (Except maybe in Atlantic City on the boardwalk.)

You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Mars, Bethlehem, Hershey, Indiana, Sinking Spring, Jersey Shore, State College, Washington Crossing, Jim Thorpe, King of Prussia, Wind Gap, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns ... and the first three were consecutive stops on the old Reading RR! (PS - That's pronounced Redd-ing.)

You can identify drivers from New York , New Jersey , Maryland or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits.

A traffic jam in Lancaster County is 10 cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway. (And remember ... that's Lank-ister!)

You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

Driving is always better in winter becau se the potholes are filled with snow.

As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were.

You know beer doesn't grow in a garden, but you know where to find a beer garden.

You actually understand all this and send it out to other Pennsylvanians or former Pennsylvanians.

YEAH! THAT'S GOOD OL' 'PA' AND WE LOVE IT!

And send it to people that never lived in PA and confuse them, because nice matters.

Philly
Tote Bag

Christmas Post - Shocking News

2008-12-20T21:02:00.003-05:00

Tragic News from Up North

yes we DID!

2008-11-08T20:21:00.009-05:00

The election is over, the people have spoken and Barack Obama is going to be the new President of the United States. Here are some funny cartoons that celebrate!

Obama o8ama Yes We Did T-shirt by yes_we_did
Design a personalized tshirt Using zazzle.com
Browse other United States T-Shirts

Yes We Did Obama Wins President T-shirt by yes_we_did
Shirts from www.zazzle.com
View other United States T-Shirts

Church Lady Talks

2008-10-27T22:29:00.004-04:00

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint
sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a

cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange
floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing
to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park
a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ,

keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'

Jesus Saves, Passes to Moses, Shoots, Scores!
by

burntees

Create Custom T-Shirts Using zazzle.com
Browse Religion T-Shirts

How to tell the sex of a fly

2008-10-20T23:04:00.005-04:00

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?' She asked.

'Hunting Flies' He responded.

'Oh. ! Killing any?' She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,

'3 were on a beer can,

2 were on the phone.

Click on the image below to see & buy the gifts

Fall Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

2008-10-16T23:21:00.001-04:00

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

by Monday, Aug 30, 2007

NOTE: DUE T O THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8

PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide

Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at

7:00 PM.

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself ?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The

Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The

Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen

Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning

at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant

Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The

Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your

Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights ; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2

hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life

Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She

Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at

7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Rememberin g Birthdays,

Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be

Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2

hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven-- What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will

be issued to the survivors.

Down To One Boss Retirement T-shirt Gifts
by

retirementgifts

Design personalized t-shirts With www.zazzle.com
More Special Occasions T-Shirts

Modern conveniences

2008-10-13T23:42:00.002-04:00

I thought everybody would get a laugh out of this!

This one is voting for that one. Obama
by

ashleymak

Design Customized Shirt At www.Zazzle.com
Browse United States T-Shirts

Screwed Again

2008-10-05T18:57:00.002-04:00

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl

in his office... but she was dating someone else.

One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give

you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..."

The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"

Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you
bend

down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her

boyfriend... so she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast.

He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts
the

proposal.

Over half a n hour goes by and the boyfriend is still! waiting for his

girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks

what happened...? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard

had all quarters!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety

before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

Go in Hard and come out wet t-shirts and gifts

Women's jokes

2008-10-03T15:24:00.003-04:00

Skinnier thighs t-shirt

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.

---------------------------------------------------------

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a

ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some

tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to

the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of

tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a

word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Skinnier Thighs Magnet

Chutzpah

2008-09-20T16:10:00.006-04:00

Latke Chef T-Shirt
by

holidaytime

design your own tee shirt Using www.zazzle.com
Browse more Religion T-Shirts

______________________________________________________________

Bill Gates advertised for a new chairman of Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates
are assembled in a large room. One of them is Maurice Cohen, a little Jewish
Parisian Tunisian.

Bill Gates thanks the candidates for coming but asks all those who are not familiar
with the JAVA program language to leave.

2000 people rise and leave the room. Maurice Cohen says to himself, 'I do not
know this language but what have I got to lose if I stay? I'll give it a try'.

Bill Gates then asks all those who have no experience of managing teams of more
than 100 people to leave.

Another 2000 people go. Maurice Cohen says to himself, 'I have never managed
anybody but myself but what have I got to lose if I stay ? What can happen to
me?' Then Bill Gates asks all candidates who do not have outstanding academic
qualifications to rise and leave. 500 people remove themselves.

Maurice Cohen says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose
if I stay? So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asks all of the candidates who do not speak the Serbo-Croat
language to rise and leave. 498 people rise and leave the room.

Maurice Cohen says himself, 'I do not speak Serbo-Croat but what the hell! -
have I got anything to lose?'

He finds himself alone with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone. Bill
Gates joins them and says: 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak
Serbo-Croatian. I'd like to hear you converse with one another in Serbo-Croatian.
Calmly Maurice turns to the other candidate and says to him:

'Baroukh ata Adonaï.'

The other candidate answers:

'Elohénou melekh ha'olam .'

My new car

2008-09-10T09:29:00.003-04:00

I bought a new Lexus 330 but returned to the dealer the

next day because I couldn't get the radio to work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.

The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from

the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia

On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time

I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music.

If I said, "Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a driver ran a red light and nearly creamed my

new Lexus, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled,

"Ass Hole!"

Immediately Hail-to-the-Chief began playing.

I LOVE this car!

Obama 2008 Patriotic T-Shirt
by

choice2008

Make Customized Tee Shirts At www.zazzle.com
Browse more Current Events T-Shirts

McCain Palin Patriotic T-Shirt
by

choice2008

Create photo t-shirts At www.Zazzle.com
Browse Politics T-Shirts

Watch whatcha say man... or Live Happy, Die Fat

2008-08-15T23:10:00.008-04:00

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my

husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he

uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet

paper and rub it between them for a few seconds".

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in

front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this

take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my

breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk

again,

although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man


Caught an attitude t-shirt	Live Happy Die Fat

Letter from Ireland about US elections

2008-07-31T18:06:00.011-04:00

So, its time for the US elections and everybody has something to say about it. And that voice is not limited to the United States. Here is a letter from a buddy in Ireland.

an e-mail from Ireland

An email from Ireland to all of their brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:

'We, in Ireland, can't figure out why you people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you had a pants wearing female lawyer, married to another lawyer who can't seem to keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer, who goes to the wrong church, who is married to yet another lawyer, who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run !

Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology, married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship !!

What in God's name are ya lads thinkin over in the colonies !

Obama Irish T-Shirt
by

choice2008

Design a Custom T-Shirt At www.Zazzle.com
See more Politics T-Shirts

McCain t-shirt
by

choice2008

Design a Customized T-Shirt At zazzle
More Politics T-Shirts

2008-07-28T11:19:00.006-04:00

IT'S TRUE!!!!!!

YOU GET 8 TICKETS TO ALL THE EVENTS,4 HOTEL ROOMS,FOOD, CAR & FREE ROUND
TRIP AIR FARE FOR 21 DAYS IN CHINA . GOOD LUCK

Answer the following questions to win tickets to the Olympic games.

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?

2. Which ones are male twins?

3. Which ones are the female twins?

4. How many women are in the group?

5. Which one is the teacher?

6. Which two just finished a joint?

?

?

?

?

?

?

I guess you're not going either.


China Soccer Players	China Soccer Team	Chinese Pandas count 1-10

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES

2008-05-16T11:42:00.010-04:00

Here is some extreme lexophilia for everybody's humor

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right
now.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U. C. L. A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum blownapart.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Acupuncture: a jab well done

Click Image View

Great Political Humor

2008-03-27T20:37:00.008-04:00

The political humorists are at it again. Nothin' like a juicy sex scandal to spice up the political landscape is there? It seems like we haven't had this good a time with sex scandals since Bill Clinton's romps and escapes with lil' ol' Monica! (Shhhhh Chelsea might hear us - and tell us to Butt out! )

The funniest one I found is about that Detroit Mayor who has just screwed up publicly. Sort of a play on words from Bill's day. Click on the product to see the details

The next political clown who has screwed up is Elliot Spitzer. Imagine a guy who has everything risks it all for some stupid bimbo call girl? Guess he doesn't get it that if he is going to go after Escort services and its wrong for everybody else, it might just be wrong for him too. Bozo is all that is printable here. The text says "You Spitzer or You swallow? "

Last but not least we have Obama, who doesn't have a sex scandal, at least not yet..... But I put this here because Obama shirts are the most popular on the internet t-shirt stores . This one says, "Obama is my homeboy".

Till next time!

What graphic artists do in their spare time - A really good laugh

2008-03-22T20:40:00.015-04:00

Here are some good laughs for the day. This is what graphic artists and some computer programmers do in their spare time!

Blonde Jokes

2008-03-17T21:15:00.007-04:00

Can you tell which one is the blonde?
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.

Its the one with the RIGHT leg up of course

Now for the t-shirt that goes with this!

I'm knot a blonde t-shirt

Zazzle - PG-13 and up need not apply

2008-03-13T21:09:00.011-04:00

I'm going to take a break from jokes to talk about a weird adventure I had with Zazzle, the online POD t-shirt company. I started a new election store called Choice2008 and I added this design called "Screw Hillary" . I never though it would be a problem because I have seen plenty of more strongly worded designs on Zazzle and every place else.

The big stuff hit the fan and FAST. Whew! The fallout was fast. First I got some angry comments, but then Zazzle sent me a strongly worded message that this design violates their terms of service and the only way I could have it is if I rated it PG-13 or ABOVE.

OK... .fine.... UNTIL I found out.... (drum roll) that if a design isn't rated "G", it not only isn't displayed in the Zazzle marketplace, NOBODY, but NOBODY can see the design in my shop unless they are logged into Zazzle.

Now wait a minute folks. How many members of the public, when they find my shop via Google are logged in? How many members of the public who find my shop via my blog or somebody else's blog are logged in? That tells me I effectively cannot promote this design because if I display it and you click on the designs, its Sorry Charlie, you aren't logged in. People aren't going to bother making a new account, they are going to move on to the next selection in Google.

Zazzle could easily remedy this market place issue by instituting what Google Images does. Google permits the end user to set search preferences for images to something they call Safe Search which permits you to set Strict Search or moderately strict search, or do not filter.

Anyway, I hope this gets resolved soon. I have heard from other Shopkeepers who have stores at Cafepress that they don't bother putting any more energy into their shops at Zazzle because their designs are PG-13 or above and they can't promote them.

And by the way, if you want to buy the Screw Hilliary design, its HERE

Cheers y'all. Tomorrow, back to some better jokes.

Why learn English

2007-09-15T19:36:00.001-04:00

The retired folks in my life continue to send me good, bad, and political jokes. Here's another:

A United States Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that

included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and

French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a

large group of officers that included personnel from most of the

countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a

French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many

languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked "Why is it that

we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than

speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied "Maybe it's because the

Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have

to speak German."

You could have heard a pin drop......

Cats, Cats, and more cats - cute t-shirts

2007-09-06T09:53:00.000-04:00

So what's new at Nitsupak? Cats, Cats, and more cats..... They're not here just for Halloween, but for all year round. Stressed out cats, belly dancing cats, and cool cats! Don't forget Christmas gifts, Hannukah gifts and birthday gifts for cat lovers!

Cool Cat t-shirts

Kitty Belly Dancing

Stressed out Kitty v-neck t-shirt

Me Stressed Maternity T-shirt

Something GREAT happened!

2007-08-11T21:59:00.001-04:00

I gotta take a break from joke telling to tell all about something GREAT that happened to me recently with my on line design store Nitsupak. One of my designs was in one of Martha Stewart's blogs. Yes, moi, one of my own!

The blog was about Matryoshka dolls, those cute little Russian nesting dolls with one inside of the other.

Nesting Doll Tote Bag

How could I resist shouting this to the world. This inspired a second nesting doll design, with Hawaiian hula girls. I had a blast designing this, and hopefully y'all will like it for Christmas

Pageful of Hawaiian Nesting Dolls

That's all for now.

Funnies for women

2007-08-11T20:38:00.000-04:00

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading - they get better!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman

wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a

television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping
with

me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him

legally."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes

and dislikes."

He addressed the man,

"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,

"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a

ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some

tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to

the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of

tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a

word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women

use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat

everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here &

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait

for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the

Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed

him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says "HEBREWS"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his

wife to wake him

at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he

wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would

find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM

and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his

wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a

rough draft before the masterpiece

Some more silly humor

2007-05-31T06:48:00.000-04:00

I couldn't resist todays humor sent to me by my uncle, who seems to have a lot of time on his hands. But what the heck..... everybody gets to enjoy some good jokes

Bush 41: "Son, you're making the same mistake in Iraq that I made with your mother. I didn't pull out in time..."

Ok.... Before the next joke, I want to show you a new design I have in memory of the 911 victims. Cafepress hasn't updated their marketplace, but you can still get this via my My Nitsupak Store. Click on the shirt to see the page.

Ok ..... so I have another joke, but this one is on a link. You'll love it! Just remember, in this blog with political jokes, nobody is safe! And yes, it is another one in care of my dear uncle!

Funny Political Satirical performance

Cheers!

Women's Ass Size Study

2007-05-10T21:08:00.000-04:00

Cafepress has added maternity wear to their line of clothing. Here are 2 shirts that make me chuckle. I should have had these when I was pregnant and heard others complaining about small things. They didn't have to deal with nausea and being fat. So this is for them. No Kvetching!

And of course - today's joke!

Women's Ass Size study:

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric

Association about women and how they feel about their asses. The results

are pretty interesting:.

1) 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2) 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3) The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good

man and they would have married him anyway.

Southern BBQ

2007-05-05T15:36:00.000-04:00

As every southerner knows it's time to get ready for that all important cooking technique of the south---outdoor grilling!

I have just found out that there are several stores (not just in the south) where you can get a FREE Bar-B-Q Grill! You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:

Albertsons

Costco

Dan's

Food Lion

Fry's

Home Depot

Kroger

Big Lots

Brookshire's

Lowes

Publix

Safeway

Sam's Club

Target

Vons

Trader Joe's

Wal-Mart

Winn-Dixie

I especially like the higher rack - which can be used for keeping things warm!Just make sure to get a metal one...the Plastic one's don't do so well(I melted 3 of them.) Ya'll enjoy now!!Ya Heair

Now enjoy some t-shirts celebrating a great Southern city

I Love Atlanta t-shirts & Gifts

Atlanta Stars & Stripes t-shirts & Gifts

Math Humor

2007-04-01T09:47:00.000-04:00

I thought this t-shirt might go with this joke. Enjoy!

BASIC MATH:

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took
my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and
gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking
at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her
to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he
tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5
of the price. What is his profit?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5
of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80.
Did he make a profit?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80
and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5. Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate
and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of
making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question:
How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There
are no wrong answers.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6. Teaching Math In 2005

Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones
es $80.

Hillary's first night as president and other jokes

2007-03-30T13:04:00.001-04:00

Ok.... its been a while. I've been working hard on a new shop - no politics in this one, just sports its at Sportschamp. I opened it at Printfection and up and coming t-shirt company with lots and lots of choices of colors and sizes and whats even better, their quality is SUPERB. So... enjoy todays jokes. And just for looking at my new shop, I have 2 very good ones

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break
up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door

won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15 Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather

than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and

pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never
going to

drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead

of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell ha ppened?"

Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign

that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals & friends 'cause you know

they'll enjoy it & do the same.

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you

can. -Danny Kaye.

***********************************

January 1 2009

HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT

Hillary Clinton

Was sworn in today as President

She has disposed of Bill and is spending her

first night alone in the White House.

She has waited several years for this.

FIRST NIGHT

Suddenly!

The ghost of George Washington appears to her,

and Hillary says,

"How can I best serve my country?"

Washington says, "Never tell a lie."

"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."

SECOND NIGHT

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Jefferson says,

"Listen to the people."

"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."

THIRD NIGHT

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Lincoln says,

"Go to the theater."

Emergency Room

2006-09-25T12:31:00.000-04:00

The other day, I had to go to the emergency room . Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I went to the Army-Navy store, and bought some OD pants and a shirt. Then I sewed a couple of patches on which I grabbed from the internet.. It was amazing how many people left as I walked in. I guess they suddenly decided they weren't that sick after all..

Here's the patch that you can sew on your clothing if you are in need of quicker emergency service.

Illegal Immigration

When using the phrase "oh shit" is appropriate

2006-09-21T22:02:00.000-04:00

I finally figured out what to do with all the jokes my retired uncle sends me. Post them here for all to enjoy!

Here's a humorous t shirt to go with this :

Unix humorous t-shirts

men's room

2006-09-21T09:13:00.000-04:00

Now that you're laughing, here's some goofy Halloween t-shirts -

Goofy Halloween T

Homeland security

2006-09-20T11:04:00.000-04:00

Important Homeland Security Info

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, a person later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a drafting triangle, a compass, and a calculator.

During a press conference the Attorney General said he believed the man was a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement and the FBI intends to charge him with transporting weapons of math instruction.

“Al-Gebra is a fearsum, transverse cult,” the Attorney General said. “As a group they seek means of average solutions by extremes, and sometimes randomly go off on tangents in search of absolute values. A member of al-Gebra may use acute alias such as ‘x’ or ‘y’ and refer to himself as an unknown identity, but we have determined that he is likely to belong to a common denominator — the axis of medieval that coordinates in every country.” The Attorney General continued, “Al-Gebra functions as a bunch of standard deviations that have been tribal since the time of Noah’s arc,” a remark that struck a chord with the media. “They are inordinate in terrorism, of that I’m abscissaly sure.

They use degrees of irrational subtrahend to create differences and conditional inequalities among friendly, discriminant nations, leading to arguments and making us less functional and coefficient in attaining our goals. And they have the international mobility of a swarm of loci. Give them an air matrix to inflate and a plot to set it on, and they can live anywhere. If necessary, we will pursue them to the corners of this Earthly sphere.”
He complemented this with the supplementary remark, “As the Greek philanderer Isosceles once said, ‘Never forget that there are three sides to every triangle, and sometimes two of them are normal.’ ” The Attorney General added, “As you can tell, I am not diagonally opposed to that prime concept.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush obtusely said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. Next to bisectual marriages and those polygonists in Utah, I’m concerned about the significant places of such weapons. Tomorrow I intend to go to the hill and address Congruence about this situation. I have a volume of suggestions and a finite series of common solutions for them to consider.”
The President also warned, “These weapons of math instruction are without parallel and have the potential to decimal everything on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of an infinity Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of kindness. If we enter a phase in which all nations are integrated in all degrees of purpose, that steady state will give us slope for a better tomorrow, and we will all be infinitely better off. In such a case we could have our pi and eat it too.”

The President further declared, “I am gratified that we have been given a sine that al-Gebra is protracting this situation with calculusing disregard. Their murky statisticians plan to inflict plane of new dimensions on every sphere of influence,” he added. “Under these circumferences, we must differentiate their roots, make our points, draw our lines, and proportionally intersect these people throughout whatever area of the domain they range. And, above all, we must make sure that they can’t get their hands on radii active materials. That is one thing you can secant you? What we need is a higher quotient of linguists embedded with our troops so that they can interpolate the gibberish that al-Gebra uses to communicate. If we had that capability, we could periodically reach new limits of success as easily as falling off a natural log. Anything short of that could lead to some real, not imaginary, complex circumstances.”
The Secretary of Homeland Security added, “As our Great Leader would say, ‘Read my ellipse.’ The one angle that I am uncertainty of is that although al-Gebra will probability try to continuously multiply in theorem, their days are numbered as we draw the hypotenuse ever tighter around their necks.”

Here are some t-shirts that go with this joke!


Al-Gebra Ringer T	Al-Gebra Sweatshirt

More Al-Gebra items

A joke for today

2006-09-14T17:04:00.000-04:00

Doesn't life just get too crazy once in a little while. Here's a good joke for today.

How To Clean Your Toilet

Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
The cat will self agitate and make ample ! suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean

Sincerely,

The Dog

Here are a few shirts to go with this joke!


This place is just a cat house	Kitty Yoga Poses	Pluto is just a dog

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