Friday, March 30, 2007

Hillary's first night as president and other jokes

Ok.... its been a while. I've been working hard on a new shop - no politics in this one, just sports its at Sportschamp. I opened it at Printfection and up and coming t-shirt company with lots and lots of choices of colors and sizes and whats even better, their quality is SUPERB. So... enjoy todays jokes. And just for looking at my new shop, I have 2 very good ones


25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP



1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.



2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.



3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.



4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.



5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.



6. You watch the Weather Channel.



7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break
up."



8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.



9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."



10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door


won't turn down the stereo.



11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.



12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.



13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.



14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.



15 Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.



16. You take naps.



17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.



18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather


than settle, your stomach.



19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and

pregnancy tests.



20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."



21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.



22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never
going to

drink that much again."



23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.



24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.



25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead


of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell ha ppened?"



Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign

that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals & friends 'cause you know

they'll enjoy it & do the same.





Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you

can. -Danny Kaye.




***********************************



January 1 2009

HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT



Hillary Clinton

Was sworn in today as President

She has disposed of Bill and is spending her

first night alone in the White House.


She has waited several years for this.



FIRST NIGHT


Suddenly!

The ghost of George Washington appears to her,

and Hillary says,

"How can I best serve my country?"





Washington says, "Never tell a lie."

"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."



SECOND NIGHT


The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"


Jefferson says,


"Listen to the people."


"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."




THIRD NIGHT

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"


Lincoln says,


"Go to the theater."