Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Don't Mess With Me!

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that
'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us onto the ground.'

She calmly turned her head and said,
'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat,

'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.



Tray-up, B*tch'

Proof Reading is a dying art

(Proofreading is a dying art, would you say?)



Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter


This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial
Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor
realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction
the next day.


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I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says


No, really? Ya think?


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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers


Now that's taking things a bit far!


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Panda Mating Fails;Veterinarian Takes Over


What a guy!


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Miners Refuse to Work after Death


No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!


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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant


See if that works any better than a fair trial!


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War Dims Hope for Peace


I can see where it might have that effect!


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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile


Ya think?!


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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures


Who would have thought!


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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide!


They may be on to something!


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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges


You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction
program!


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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge


He probably IS the battery charge!


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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group



Weren't they fat enough?!


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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft


That's what he gets for eating those beans!


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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks


Do they taste like chicken?


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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half


Chainsaw Massacre all over again!


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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors


Boy, are they tall!


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And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


Did I read that right?