Proof Reading is a dying art

(Proofreading is a dying art, would you say?)

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial
Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor
realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction
the next day.

________________________________

I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No, really? Ya think?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Panda Mating Fails;Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

----------------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

----------------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide!

They may be on to something!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction
program!

----------------------------------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

-------------------------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

*******************************************

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

Fall Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

by Monday, Aug 30, 2007



NOTE: DUE T O THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8

PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.





Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide

Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at

7:00 PM.

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself ?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The

Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The

Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen

Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning

at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant

Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The

Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your

Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights ; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2

hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life

Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She

Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at

7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Rememberin g Birthdays,

Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be


Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2

hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven-- What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will

be issued to the survivors.

Down To One Boss Retirement T-shirt Gifts
by

retirementgifts

Design personalized t-shirts With www.zazzle.com
More Special Occasions T-Shirts

Watch whatcha say man... or Live Happy, Die Fat

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my

husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he

uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet

paper and rub it between them for a few seconds".

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in

front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this

take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my

breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk

again,

although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man

Caught an attitude t-shirt	Live Happy Die Fat

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES

Here is some extreme lexophilia for everybody's humor

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right
now.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U. C. L. A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum blownapart.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Acupuncture: a jab well done

Click Image View

What graphic artists do in their spare time - A really good laugh

Here are some good laughs for the day. This is what graphic artists and some computer programmers do in their spare time!

Blonde Jokes

Can you tell which one is the blonde?
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.

Its the one with the RIGHT leg up of course

Now for the t-shirt that goes with this!

I'm knot a blonde t-shirt