Confucious Sez

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in

Front of car get tired.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind

Car get exhausted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one

Chopstick go hungry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who scratch butt

Should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many

Prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not

Determine who is right, war determine who is

Left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put

Husband in doghouse soon find him in

Cathouse.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like

Hell, bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in

Glass house should change clothes in

Basement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in

Other man's well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator

Smell different to midget.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Person who deletes this has no humor!!!

Fall Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

by Monday, Aug 30, 2007



NOTE: DUE T O THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8

PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.





Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide

Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at

7:00 PM.

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself ?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The

Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The

Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen

Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning

at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant

Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The

Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your

Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights ; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2

hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life

Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She

Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at

7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Rememberin g Birthdays,

Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be


Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2

hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven-- What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will

be issued to the survivors.

Down To One Boss Retirement T-shirt Gifts
by

retirementgifts

Design personalized t-shirts With www.zazzle.com
More Special Occasions T-Shirts

Screwed Again

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl


in his office... but she was dating someone else.



One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give


you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..."



The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"



Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you
bend

down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."



She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her

boyfriend... so she called him and explained the situation.



Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast.


He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts
the

proposal.



Over half a n hour goes by and the boyfriend is still! waiting for his

girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks


what happened...? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard


had all quarters!"



Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety


before agreeing to it and getting screwed.





Go in Hard and come out wet t-shirts and gifts

Watch whatcha say man... or Live Happy, Die Fat

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my

husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he

uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet

paper and rub it between them for a few seconds".

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in

front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this

take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my

breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk

again,

although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man

Caught an attitude t-shirt	Live Happy Die Fat

Blonde Jokes

Can you tell which one is the blonde?
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.

Its the one with the RIGHT leg up of course

Now for the t-shirt that goes with this!

I'm knot a blonde t-shirt