If you look at my previous post, I wrote about one of my designs "Instant Swim Chick, just add water" was being sold on both Cafepress and Zazzle. I was very surprised to receive a notice of violation letter first from Zazzle, and then from Cafepress. I discussed my issues with Zazzle in the previous post. Cafepress had yet to send me any violation notice.
I got good news today from Cafepress. The have reinstated my images! I cannot tell you how pleased I am! In short Cafepress says
After further review of your content and the complaint we have decided to reinstate your content at this time.
In other words, Cafepress had some *real* lawyers looking at things and figured out that this isn't a violation at all. Just imagine how many "Eat Sleep Swim", "Merry Christmoose" designs they would have had to take down if they thought having similar design themes makes a copyright violation. Just as "Eat Sleep swim" is not trademarked either is "Instant Swim chick, just add water".
With all the changes Cafepress made that are not favorable to shopkeepers this year, I'm glad to see this decision. Hopefully, Zazzle can step up to the plate and be a class act and reinstate my images at Zazzle.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Artist intimidation by intellectual property
Good grief! I have several online stores selling my own designs on t-shirts and gifts on various themes, especially about swimming. One of my designs is "instant swim chick, just add water".
I sell on Cafepress, Zazzle and Printfection. Imagine my surprise when I get a copyright infringement notice from both Cafepress and Zazzle on my designs
Here are my designs.
The complaining artist is Hugh Bayer of epmgames and here is his "design".
Now Mr Bayer, before you go screaming and hollering that I'm robbing you by publishing this image to the left, don't bother. In this blog I'm writing ABOUT your image and a controversy surrounding it which is covered both by fair use and free speech.
I wondered what the heck was a copyright violation and I can't get a straight answer from anybody.
At Zazzle, I spoke with a "Tony" in content management who said the violation was that I have the same phrase. Ok.... "Instant Swim Chick, just add water" is NOT a registered trademark. Its a common swim joke and has been around for years and is therefore not a covered unregistered trademark. And notice that my design on the right doesn't even contain the word "chick".
I would understand Mr Hugh's argument if the chicks looked the same, if the lettering were the same, if the lettering had the same placement. But that isn't it.
This looks like a case of artist intimidation, where all Mr Hughs has to do is write a threatening letter on company letter head which includes the word "Entertainment" and Cafepress and Zazzle cower.
This isn't good. It makes artists lose confidence in Cafepress & Zazzle if they allow just anybody to claim copyright infringement on an idea, especially if the images are different and the phrase isn't trademarked.
I sell on Cafepress, Zazzle and Printfection. Imagine my surprise when I get a copyright infringement notice from both Cafepress and Zazzle on my designs
Here are my designs.
The complaining artist is Hugh Bayer of epmgames and here is his "design".
Now Mr Bayer, before you go screaming and hollering that I'm robbing you by publishing this image to the left, don't bother. In this blog I'm writing ABOUT your image and a controversy surrounding it which is covered both by fair use and free speech.
I wondered what the heck was a copyright violation and I can't get a straight answer from anybody.
At Zazzle, I spoke with a "Tony" in content management who said the violation was that I have the same phrase. Ok.... "Instant Swim Chick, just add water" is NOT a registered trademark. Its a common swim joke and has been around for years and is therefore not a covered unregistered trademark. And notice that my design on the right doesn't even contain the word "chick".
I would understand Mr Hugh's argument if the chicks looked the same, if the lettering were the same, if the lettering had the same placement. But that isn't it.
This looks like a case of artist intimidation, where all Mr Hughs has to do is write a threatening letter on company letter head which includes the word "Entertainment" and Cafepress and Zazzle cower.
This isn't good. It makes artists lose confidence in Cafepress & Zazzle if they allow just anybody to claim copyright infringement on an idea, especially if the images are different and the phrase isn't trademarked.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Live Long & Prosper
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, & wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter”?
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
I couldn't resist a t-shirt for the chocolate one
And a coffee mug
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, & wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter”?
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
I couldn't resist a t-shirt for the chocolate one
And a coffee mug
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Don't Mess With Me!
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that
'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us onto the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said,
'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat,
'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, B*tch'
'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us onto the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said,
'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat,
'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, B*tch'
Proof Reading is a dying art
(Proofreading is a dying art, would you say?)
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial
Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor
realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction
the next day.
________________________________
I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails;Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide!
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction
program!
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
-------------------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
Monday, April 06, 2009
Apologies from paris
Over the past few months I have forwarded some inappropriate pictures and jokes to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humor.
Unfortunately this wasn't the case and I seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow.
If you were one of these people, please accept my sincerest apologies.
From now on I will only post or send e-mail with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting topics.
Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris . It is the oldest bridge
In Paris and took 26 years to build It was completed in 1604.
Paris pour toujours on
t-shirts & gifts
Paris black t-shirt
Chinese Sick Leave
Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.. 'I do what You say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house'
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Irish Bank Robbery
An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.
One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber
walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.
There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent,
looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:
'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ....'
KRW 10 Percent OFF Shamrocks by KRWDesigns
Create custom coffee travel mugs online with Zazzle.com
More Civilizations Cultures Mugs
Kiss My Ass It's Irish by wickedpissatees
Design a custom stein At www.Zazzle.com
See more Europe Mugs
Saturday, March 07, 2009
The Irish Husband
In the best husband contest, the first runner up is Serbia
The second runner up is Greece
The hands down winner is..... the IRISH hubby! Drink up bitches!
Irish Drinking Team t-shirt by holiday_tshirts
Design Customized Tshirts At zazzle.com
Browse Alcoholic Drinks T-Shirts
Friday, March 06, 2009
Jews do it with Chutzpah
CHUTZPAH:
... according to the Funk & Wagnall's Standard Desk Dictionary - US slang meaning: brazen effrontery, nerve, impudence, gall, cheekiness.
The word is Hebrew in origin.
Bill Gates decides to organize an enormous session of recruitment for a chairman for Microsoft Europe. The 5000 candidates are all assembled
in a large room. One of the candidates is Maurice Cohen, a little Parisian Jewish Tunisian.
Bill Gates thanks all the candidates for coming and asks that all those who do not know JAVA program language rise and leave. 2000
people rise and leave the room. Maurice Cohen says to himself, "I do not know this language but what have I got to lose if I stay? I'll
give it a try".
Bill Gates asks all the candidates that those who have never had experience of team management of more than 100 people rise and leave.
2000 people rise and leave the room. Maurice Cohen says to himself, "I have never managed anybody but myself but what have I got to lose if I
stay? What can happen to me?" So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asks all the candidates who do not have excellent college diplomas to rise and leave. 500 people rise and leave the
room. Maurice Cohen says to himself, "I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose if I stay? So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asks all of the candidates who do not speak the Serbo-Croat language to rise and leave. 498 people rise and leave the
room. Maurice Cohen says himself, "I do not speak Serbo-Croat but what the hell! - Have I got anything to lose?" So he stays in the room.
He finds himself alone with one other candidate - everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joins them and says: "Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo-Croatian, so I'd now like to hear you both have a little conversation in that language!
Calmly Maurice turns to the other candidate and says to him: "Baroukh ata
Adonaï." The other candidate answers: "Elohénou melekh ha'olam."
Monday, January 19, 2009
For those folks from Philly!
And we will never change either.. might hide it for awhile.. but will always slip... as in Windah..
TALKING PENNSYLVANIAN
For those who think we 'talk funny' or use 'big words', here's why ..
Once a Pennsylvanian, ALWAYS a Pennsylvanian!
About Pennsylvanians: You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but 'Philly' and New Jersey has always been ' Jersey '
We don't go to the beach, we go 'down the shore.
You refer to Pennsylvania as 'PA' (pronounced Pee-Ay).How many other states do that??
'You guy s' (or even 'youze guys', in some places) is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men and women.
You know how to respond to the question 'Djeetyet?' ( Did you eat yet ?)
You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, the Poconos, Tamaqua, Kutztown,Tunkahannock, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne and Monongahela. also Conshohocken.
And we know Lancaster is pronounced Lank-ister, not Lan-kaster.
You know what a 'Mummer' is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.
At least five people on your block have electric 'candles' in all or most of their windows all year long.
You know what a 'State Store' is, and your out-of-state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
Words like 'hoagie,' 'crick,' 'chipped ham,' 'dippy eggs', 'sticky buns,' 'shoo-fly pie,' 'l emon sponge pie', 'pierogies' and 'pocketbook' actually mean something to you. ( By the way, that last one's PA slang for a purse!)
You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know it comes in several colors.
You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and you know that you also can't get a really good one anywhere outside of the Philly area. (Except maybe in Atlantic City on the boardwalk.)
You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Mars, Bethlehem, Hershey, Indiana, Sinking Spring, Jersey Shore, State College, Washington Crossing, Jim Thorpe, King of Prussia, Wind Gap, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns ... and the first three were consecutive stops on the old Reading RR! (PS - That's pronounced Redd-ing.)
You can identify drivers from New York , New Jersey , Maryland or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits.
A traffic jam in Lancaster County is 10 cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway. (And remember ... that's Lank-ister!)
You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
Driving is always better in winter becau se the potholes are filled with snow.
As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were.
You know beer doesn't grow in a garden, but you know where to find a beer garden.
You actually understand all this and send it out to other Pennsylvanians or former Pennsylvanians.
YEAH! THAT'S GOOD OL' 'PA' AND WE LOVE IT!
And send it to people that never lived in PA and confuse them, because nice matters.
TALKING PENNSYLVANIAN
For those who think we 'talk funny' or use 'big words', here's why ..
Once a Pennsylvanian, ALWAYS a Pennsylvanian!
About Pennsylvanians: You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but 'Philly' and New Jersey has always been ' Jersey '
We don't go to the beach, we go 'down the shore.
You refer to Pennsylvania as 'PA' (pronounced Pee-Ay).How many other states do that??
'You guy s' (or even 'youze guys', in some places) is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men and women.
You know how to respond to the question 'Djeetyet?' ( Did you eat yet ?)
You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, the Poconos, Tamaqua, Kutztown,Tunkahannock, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne and Monongahela. also Conshohocken.
And we know Lancaster is pronounced Lank-ister, not Lan-kaster.
You know what a 'Mummer' is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.
At least five people on your block have electric 'candles' in all or most of their windows all year long.
You know what a 'State Store' is, and your out-of-state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
Words like 'hoagie,' 'crick,' 'chipped ham,' 'dippy eggs', 'sticky buns,' 'shoo-fly pie,' 'l emon sponge pie', 'pierogies' and 'pocketbook' actually mean something to you. ( By the way, that last one's PA slang for a purse!)
You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know it comes in several colors.
You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and you know that you also can't get a really good one anywhere outside of the Philly area. (Except maybe in Atlantic City on the boardwalk.)
You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Mars, Bethlehem, Hershey, Indiana, Sinking Spring, Jersey Shore, State College, Washington Crossing, Jim Thorpe, King of Prussia, Wind Gap, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns ... and the first three were consecutive stops on the old Reading RR! (PS - That's pronounced Redd-ing.)
You can identify drivers from New York , New Jersey , Maryland or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits.
A traffic jam in Lancaster County is 10 cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway. (And remember ... that's Lank-ister!)
You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
Driving is always better in winter becau se the potholes are filled with snow.
As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were.
You know beer doesn't grow in a garden, but you know where to find a beer garden.
You actually understand all this and send it out to other Pennsylvanians or former Pennsylvanians.
YEAH! THAT'S GOOD OL' 'PA' AND WE LOVE IT!
And send it to people that never lived in PA and confuse them, because nice matters.
 |
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
yes we DID!
The election is over, the people have spoken and Barack Obama is going to be the new President of the United States. Here are some funny cartoons that celebrate!
Obama o8ama Yes We Did T-shirt by yes_we_did
Design a personalized tshirt Using zazzle.com
Browse other United States T-Shirts
Monday, October 27, 2008
Church Lady Talks
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint
sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
Jesus Saves, Passes to Moses, Shoots, Scores!
by
burntees
Create Custom T-Shirts Using zazzle.com
Browse Religion T-Shirts
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint
sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange
floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing
to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park
a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ,
keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
Jesus Saves, Passes to Moses, Shoots, Scores!
by
burntees
Create Custom T-Shirts Using zazzle.com
Browse Religion T-Shirts
Monday, October 20, 2008
How to tell the sex of a fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
'What are you doing?' She asked.
'Hunting Flies' He responded.
'Oh. ! Killing any?' She asked.
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'
He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.
Click on the image below to see & buy the gifts
'What are you doing?' She asked.
'Hunting Flies' He responded.
'Oh. ! Killing any?' She asked.
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'
He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.
Click on the image below to see & buy the gifts
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Fall Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Aug 30, 2007
NOTE: DUE T O THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8
PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at
7:00 PM.
by Monday, Aug 30, 2007
NOTE: DUE T O THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8
PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at
7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself ?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The
Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The
Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen
Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant
Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The
Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your
Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights ; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2
hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life
Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She
Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at
7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Rememberin g Birthdays,
Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be
Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2
hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven-- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will
be issued to the survivors.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Screwed Again
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl
in his office... but she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give
you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..."
The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"
Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you
bend
down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her
boyfriend... so she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast.
He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts
the
proposal.
Over half a n hour goes by and the boyfriend is still! waiting for his
girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks
what happened...? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard
had all quarters!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety
before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
Go in Hard and come out wet t-shirts and gifts
in his office... but she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give
you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..."
The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"
Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you
bend
down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her
boyfriend... so she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast.
He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts
the
proposal.
Over half a n hour goes by and the boyfriend is still! waiting for his
girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks
what happened...? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard
had all quarters!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety
before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
Go in Hard and come out wet t-shirts and gifts
Friday, October 03, 2008
Women's jokes
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
---------------------------------------------------------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Skinnier Thighs Magnet
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Chutzpah
Latke Chef T-Shirt
by
holidaytime
design your own tee shirt Using www.zazzle.com
Browse more Religion T-Shirts
______________________________________________________________
Bill Gates advertised for a new chairman of Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates
are assembled in a large room. One of them is Maurice Cohen, a little Jewish
Parisian Tunisian.
Bill Gates thanks the candidates for coming but asks all those who are not familiar
with the JAVA program language to leave.
2000 people rise and leave the room. Maurice Cohen says to himself, 'I do not
know this language but what have I got to lose if I stay? I'll give it a try'.
Bill Gates then asks all those who have no experience of managing teams of more
than 100 people to leave.
Another 2000 people go. Maurice Cohen says to himself, 'I have never managed
anybody but myself but what have I got to lose if I stay ? What can happen to
me?' Then Bill Gates asks all candidates who do not have outstanding academic
qualifications to rise and leave. 500 people remove themselves.
Maurice Cohen says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose
if I stay? So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asks all of the candidates who do not speak the Serbo-Croat
language to rise and leave. 498 people rise and leave the room.
Maurice Cohen says himself, 'I do not speak Serbo-Croat but what the hell! -
have I got anything to lose?'
He finds himself alone with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone. Bill
Gates joins them and says: 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak
Serbo-Croatian. I'd like to hear you converse with one another in Serbo-Croatian.
Calmly Maurice turns to the other candidate and says to him:
'Baroukh ata Adonaï.'
The other candidate answers:
'Elohénou melekh ha'olam .'
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